On Madness

Later in life, Diogenes grew tired of the stubborn Athenians and decided to find someplace where his wisdom would be better-heeded; but the ship he was sailing on was set upon by pirates, and he was captured and sold into slavery. The slave-trader asked Diogenes what he was good at. "I govern men. In fact, see that man there," he pointed, "sell me to him. He's looking for a master, rather than a slave." The man's name was Xeniades, and as it turned out, he was indeed looking for a teacher for his children. The children started taking after Diogenes's coarse manner, but even so, Xeniades was fond of him, since his children grew to be of outstanding character. Diogenes must have been satisfied, too, since when some of his disciples learned of his whereabouts and attempted to ransom him, he told them, "I cannot be ransomed, since I am no slave: after all, it is the lot of a slave to be in constant fear, but I have no fear of Xeniades; rather, he is afraid of me!"

Xeniades bragged of Diogenes to his friends, and one of these—a wealthy money-changer—had a slave named Monimus. Monimus was constantly overhearing Xeniades speaking of Diogenes, and became fascinated and determined to learn from the man himself. But this was impossible as a household slave, so he pretended to be insane until his master finally discarded him. Monimus immediately went to study under Diogenes, and in time under Diogenes' pupil, Crates.

One day, the former master saw Monimus following Crates around—both sane, of course, but homeless and living lives of utter simplicity—and he said to himself, "Oh dear, he's even crazier than I thought!"

On Unity of Purpose

Crates of Thebes was a wealthy man, but upon seeing the futility of the rat race, he sold his estate, gave the proceeds to the poor, and became Diogenes' most outstanding pupil. He was nicknamed the Opener of Doors since, like a stray dog, he had a habit of wandering into people's houses—both to beg food of them, and to instruct them in philosophy (whether they liked it or not). Usually they became his friends.

On one occasion, he came into a house and lectured so excellently that one of the daughters of the house, Hipparchia, fell utterly under the spell of both man and his teachings. Indeed, she threatened her parents, saying that she would commit suicide if they did not permit her to run off after Crates. The parents begged Crates to dissuade the girl, and so he took off his coarse clothing—revealing a deformed leg and hunchback—and placed his staff and begging bowl on top of them—for these were all the possessions that remained to him in the world—and said, "Consider carefully my beauty and my fortune, for I won't have you complain of it later." Hipparchia answered, "Nowhere will I find a fairer or richer husband—take me where you will!"

He took her to his usual sleeping place on the street where—like dogs, of course—they shamelessly fucked in public view. From that day, the two were inseparable and seen everywhere together. To add to the scandal, Hipparchia wore the same men's clothing her husband wore and took up his philosophical profession, lecturing no less eloquently than he. The two had several children, lived joyously and long, and taught many in both word and deed that wisdom and the good life are within reach of everyone, rich or poor, male or female.

No record of Crates' epitaph remains, but Hipparchia's is said to have read, "I have abandoned a lady's life for that of a dog, and finery for sleeping on the bare ground: but let my name be to Atalanta's as wisdom is to sprinting."